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Saturday, December 13, 2014

Tabula Smaragdina

Fate is a very subjective story. Some "good" people scold "bad" people for not doing things the right way. Real good people don't usually do that. Because real good people sort of understand what Life is all about. Life is about just going through the fuck about the life then die. Whatever happens in between is different between individuals. Some people go through life the hard way, some are lucky enough to lead the straight road. Some are lucky with money, some lucky in love, some lucky socially, while some others are just unfortunate over everything... it varies. Fate is an abstract subject. Much like art. It paints a different colour on each canvas. Some bad people go to Heaven. Some good one's go to Hell. If there's a Hell or Heaven. (But I believe in Heaven and Hell... I mean, I'm going on the safe side since nobody knows what the hell after you die. So I tend to put a "what if" on everything. What if there's really a Heaven and Hell. Like that laa..) So fate is something not for me to tell you what to do, or for you to tell me what to do. The best I can do is tell you what I feel is right. But what IS the right thing anyway? Is "right" and "wrong" a concept or an idea only limited to the human mind? Is it right? Or is it?

Some people lead a difficult life. As so goes with my life. But I am all for it. I know I am built for a tough ride. It is my fate. I don't cry. My tear spout suddenly vanished into thin air somewhere along the line of Life. Some people say I'm very lucky to always be happy. Some say I shouldn't be this unlucky. Some say good things are yet to come. But so goes for the person who leads a difficult life. They nod and smile, and they just know... no matter how hard we try to follow the right way, the right thing to do... It will always be a difficult one to please everybody. But it is the opposite for us, that it is oh-so-easy to be pleased. We are easily pleased. Easily happy. Life seem like it is easy. But we know what it is like to have a kind of bad chi called stupid fate that we have to go through first before we see the prize. Or never at all. We don't care. After all, nobody knows what will happen after we die. People with bad luck like me kinda get the notion that the good things are maybe after we die. But I don't think my life is that bad at all, really. I think I am one of the most luckiest person to be alive. But people tend to put a label around life. What is lucky, what is not, what should be, what not. I think that all lives tend to be different. Some people get married and all gets fucked up after that. Some people get married and lead happy lives. Some don't marry and still lead happy (and rich) lives. Do you know that somewhere, some place out there near you, an old couple at 70 years of age are struggling about extramarital affairs? Woman at 70 meets new boyfriend 88 years of age, asking for divorce from 67 year old husband, or husband having sex with daughter and shit like that. Anyway, some people live on the roadside and still be happy. See, I guess you know what I'm trying to rant about now. It's the social norm of people to create an idea of what is lucky, what is happy, what is not. If I keep defending myself and say "I choose to live like this this that that" the normal feedback I'll get is a nag or a negative comment so really... what the fuck am I supposed to do really? Do what you tell me to do right now? People actually think that life is that simple, to just grab and go. Halo, even getting a job need to submit resume, wait for a call, if there's ever any fucker who calls you, you go to interview. Sometimes ada second interview and some also have third interview. Then you go through probation and all those fucking things... see or not? You want to cuci tandas pun you have to put on gloves first, get a brush or buy one if you don't have one, then take your clorox or whatever liquid then you tabur the liquid then only you can start scrubbing I mean... fuck.... don't people understand, stuff requires steps. So the fuck you want with me now? What the fuck you want me to do huh? You can work as hard as me or not? You can enjoy as hard as me too or not? Would you go through my shoes without complaining? I'm sure you will. I complain sometimes. Much less than I used to. Maklumla dah tua. Orang dah umur macam aku ni agak macam dah biasa dah kerja keras ni. Balik rumah nak gosok tandas lagi. Cuci pinggan. Mop lantai bagai. Kalau ada anak, ha dukungla anak tu dodoi biar tidor. Dah biasa dah benda kasar-kasar ni. Gua tak diva la macam lu. In fact if I ever want to be a diva, I have every right to. I work my ass off better than your father. Faster than your mother. Fabulouser than yo sister. Donno la if you have sister or not. Shit, I don't give a fuck man. Why you give so much fuck about me. The fuck you want me to be. As miserable as yo shit ass life? Uhm... no? Hihi.

Like that la.